(jaunty music starts)
Previews
What, if anything, did we know about this coming attraction before we watched it?
Ellen: Tyler’s Preview is billed second, but he wrote it first, so I can’t also make a 7th Heaven from the WB joke1. I’ll just register my excitement to finish the nominees from the first Oscars and hope that I learn what the phrase 7th heaven means!
Tyler: Wait I think I know this one … it’s the one with the pastor and all those kids … I think Jessica Biel is in it? That’s the wrong 7th Heaven? Alright I got nothing. Let’s wrap up the 1927 nominees, shall we?
Plots & Feelings
This one’s pretty self-explanatory.
Short Version (courtesy of IMDb): A street cleaner saves a young woman's life, and the pair slowly fall in love until war intervenes.
Long Version (modified from Wikipedia and formatted to fit your screen):
In a slum of Paris known as the Hole in the Sock, two men work in the sewer. One, called Rat, gleefully looks up ladies' skirts from his vantage point under the street, and the other, Chico, pushes him in. Chico waxes on about how he himself is a remarkable fellow, and that’s why he’ll fulfill his dream of being a street washer soon, just like Monsieur Gobin. Out on street level in a dingy apartment, an angry young woman named Nana whips her sister Diane, demanding absinthe2! She gives Diane a watch to trade for absinthe, and the younger woman sets about her chore through the cobbled streets of Paris. While she’s out, a priest named Father Chevillon informs Nana that her wealthy aunt and uncle have returned from the South Seas and want to take her and Diane home! Before returning home with the booze, Diane stares wistfully out into the evening, and this author cannot tell if it’s raining or simply the ‘20s.
The next day, the rich relatives roll in, escorted by one Colonel Brissac. They’re rather aloof, but eventually the aunt seems pleased by Diane’s circular face and gives her a big hug. The uncle basically asks if they’re riff raff. Diane is so scared to tell the truth that she just cries, and the disgusted relatives depart, tossing some money on the floor. Indy-Nana Jones over here grabs her whip and chases a terrified Diane through the streets. Chico pops out of the sewer like a jack-in-the-box and threatens Nana until she leaves. Diane is passed out in the gutter3, and Chico tells his friend Papa Boul she’s probably not worth saving. Being French, the two men and Rat dig into some wine and bread, deadass just leaving Diane in the street. He admonishes her for being too afraid to fight, as opposed to him (a very remarkable fellow) who is unafraid of anything. The conversation turns to if God exists, why would he even create such creatures as Rat and Diane? Chico maintains he gave God two chances at 5 francs per lit candle, and as he is neither a street washer nor has a blonde wife, the whole thing is bunk. Father Chevillon happens to overhear, and gives him a card to appoint him as a street washer as well as a box of religious medals to hang onto.
Tyler: We should note that the Wikipedia summary claims Diane is a prostitute, an occupation she I guess presumes is too riff-raffy for her aunt and uncle. From our recollection, though, there’s no mention of any prostitution in the movie, so maybe this was only in the stage adaptation? We just assumed Diane couldn’t lie about her sister not being a controlling, whip-obsessed bitch for any longer than two seconds.
Chico skips off to start learning the art of spraying down the streets with Monsieur Gobin, but is distracted by Diane attempting to unalive herself! He mostly just seems annoyed she was going to use his knife that she found. A police roundup cuts off any discussion of this, and Nana has been nabbed. She yells that Diane is just as bad as she is, and Chico is like “actually she’s my wife!” A man said it, so she’s off the hook! They’ll just check by his house later to make sure it’s true. The cops wander off, and Chico immediately panics. Diane offers to just hang at his house until they come check, and he agrees. She tells him he has a good heart, and Papa Boul drives him off in his busted cab Eloise.
Ellen: I’m not sure exactly why, but Chico’s reaction to Diane saying he has a good heart is to me very like Danny Zuko, would-be cool kind of “well, uh, don’t go tellin’ nobody!”
Tyler: He has gender norms to uphold!
The pair climb many-a winding staircase up to Chico’s apartment, a cross between Aladdin’s pad in Agrabah and the apartment from Moulin Rouge! He proclaims that though he works in the sewer, he lives near the stars! Diane is entranced, though afraid to make her way onto the roof with him. He advises her to always look up. They agree it’s like heaven. He begins getting ready for bed, then looks around, seemingly surprised he’s only got the one. Chico disappears across the rooftops, and returns with a nightgown for her! She peeks from under the covers as he’s changing, and she sleeps in the bed while he takes one of the many balconies. The next morning, Chico wakes to find Diane has tidied, cooked a lovely breakfast, and prepared fresh coffee in a two foot tall French press. Chico sits down, and his face says “I could get used to this!”, but his mouth says “remember, you can’t stay!” Gobin appears from the adjacent rooftop and the two depart for work. Diane steels herself and braves the rooftops, properly smiling for the first time in this movie.
After some water-based first-day-on-the-job antics, Chico’s back home with his “wife.” She’s giving him a haircut when a police detective appears at the door! The investigation consists of “is this your wife?” and an answer in the affirmative. Seems legit! As Diane starts slinking away dejectedly, Chico begrudgingly says that if Diane wants to stay, she’s not in the way. Smiling, she returns to her post to #finishthejob. Diane says she believes God brought him to her, and Chico’s like “leave the big thoughts to me, sweetheart.” The two continue on in domestic bliss for an indeterminate amount of time, until one day Chico comes home with a tiny flower pot and … a beautiful tiered white dress! He doesn’t correct Diane when she says it looks like a wedding dress, and yet feels it’s too silly to say he loves her. He just wants to keep living in Chico - Diane - Heaven! She asks if they’ll be married in a church, and he’s like “lol I walk alone.”
Ellen: The police “investigation” is done with all the fervor of a reluctant Bachelor investigating a tattle from his least favorite contestant.
Tyler: The movie thrusts them together for Plot Purposes then discards those Purposes in hilarious fashion.
On this charming note, Diane bustles off to Mrs. Gobin’s apartment to show off the dress, while Gobin himself arrives at Chico's place with serious business. The war has come! Their regiment will be called up within the hour. Chico is reluctant, but agrees that they must defend their homes… and their women4! Diane appears back in the window with the dress on, looking cute as heck. All Chico can think about are the soldiers in the streets with their comically long guns, but he says he loves her! Diane is thrilled, not knowing the Plot Train is headed straight toward her. He confesses that he and Gobin must go to war, and he’s afraid. In a sweet moment, she reminds him to always look up, as she herself is now a very remarkable fellow. Eying the religious medals from Father Chevillon, Chico gives God one more chance, and they exchange medals with simple wedding vows they officiate themselves. They promise to think of each other every day at 11 o’clock, and he leaves.
Tyler: It is at this point that I thought to myself (aloud): “There’s no chance Chico comes back from this, right?” Also, damn they only got one hour’s notice? Way harsh Tai.
Ellen: Not to bring up The Bachelor again, but this is akin to when Jesse Palmer comes in like “surprise, you’re going to [international destination], and your flight leaves in an hour!”
Tyler: Except it seems as though Chico and Gobin really did only have an hour.
Enter: Nana, who we all definitely didn’t forget about. She’s got a whip and a lot of rage, but Diane fights back for the first time in her life and kicks her out! “A tidal wave of death”? Must be the Great War! The French are doing their best, and that eventually involves commandeering every vehicle with wheels and an engine to transport soldiers, and that includes Papa Boul’s rundown old Eloise. The ramshackle caravan trundles through the French countryside, and though a bomb blows poor Eloise to smithereens5, they’ve got spirit! Back at home, Diane works at a munitions factory. Colonel Brissac (from way back in the second bullet) visits often, asking to take care of her. She’s like “I’m good, I see my husband every day at 11 o’clock, thank you.” Out at the Front, Chico, Gobin, Boul, and Rat manage to sneak a steaming rotisserie chicken from the officers, and Chico pauses at the appropriate time to stare at the sky and think “Chico - Diane - Heaven” along with his wife miles away.
Day after day, year after year this continues. Chico and Gobin are eventually sent out of the trenches with flamethrower hose things6, but Chico catches a bullet in the stomach! Back in Paris, Diane is watering the tiny flower Chico gave her when Colonel Brissac comes to the apartment to inform her of Chico’s death. She refuses to believe it, saying she sees him every day at 11, and he hasn’t failed yet. The Gobins come as well, but it isn’t until Father Chevillon returns Chico’s religious medal to her that she collapses in grief. Papa Boul bursts in to tell the news of the armistice, and while the others cheer, Diane is angry and despondent. But who’s that pushing through the crowds?? None other than a miraculously not dead Chico! He enters the apartment, gives little to no explanation as to why he didn’t die beyond being a remarkable fellow, and hugs Diane. He’s blind, but he’s home, back in Chico - Diane - Heaven!
Tyler: Ah a tale of resurrection just in time for Lent! But seriously, why bother showing and telling us that Chico is actually dead if you’re just going to bait-and-switch us? It would’ve been a much more effective ending if Chico’s condition were more ambiguous, instead of people who were actually with him being like “Yeah he’s definitely dead” only for him to miraculously walk through the door. He doesn’t need to die and come back to life to make the ironic point about him now seeing religion despite being physically blind.
Ellen: The abruptness of the whole situation gives me more sympathy for the Wikipedia version of the synopsis: “News of Chico's death reaches her, but Chico is not dead.”
Intermission
Even though ILTBTA is free, please indulge us further and enjoy this quick “advertisement.”
This installment of ILTBTA is brought to you by … Street Cleaning at Municipal Paris!
Here at SCaMP, we strive to keep your streets clean and clear of any dirt, wine, and/or passed out hooligans. While you’re roaming the beautiful avenues of the most romantic city in the world, we’re hard at work to ensure you don’t step in any rat feces on the way.
And good news: SCaMP is hiring! After The Great War we now have several openings*, so use promo code ILTBTA when submitting your application to be sent to the top of the pile.
*Pay competitive, benefits not included, hijinks encouraged
Wiki-Wiki-Whaaat?
Love a good Wikipedia rabbit hole in search of some fun facts? Us too.
7th Heaven's Wikipedia page has some interesting facts and anecdotes that we recommend you read through, but here are a few of our favorites:
7th Heaven is based on the number-hating Seventh Heaven, a popular Broadway play that debuted in 1922. The play was adapted into a movie again ten years later, starring Jimmy Stewart and Simone Simon as Chico and Diane.
Leads Janet Gaynor and Charles Farrell were such a popular movie couple that they went on to star in eleven more movies together and were at one point called “America’s Favorite Lovebirds.”
Janet Gaynor was the very first recipient of the Academy Award for Best Actress when she won during the first ceremony in 1929. For the first three years of the Oscars, all of an actresses work during the qualifying period was listed. Thus, Gaynor won for her roles in Street Angel and Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans as well as 7th Heaven. It was the only time an actress won for multiple roles.
Tyler: I wonder what effect it would have on everything if actors and actresses could still qualify for multiple movies from the same qualifying period.
Gaynor was also nominated for Best Actress for her role in 1937’s A Star Is Born, the first of many A Star Is Born adaptations. It was Gaynor’s only Technicolor movie.
According to filmmaker Damien Chazelle, the ending of his 2016 musical (and probable future ILTBTA “Honorable Mention”) La La Land was heavily influenced by 7th Heaven.
The phrase “seventh heaven” refers to the highest heaven where God resides, and thus is pure happiness, in Islam and Judaism. It is also unsurprisingly a popular name in media and entertainment.
Oscar NomNomNomz
Since we all know a movie is nothing without the food and drink it incorporates.
It’s now time to award the Oscar for Best Snacktor in a Supporting Role7. And the nomnomnominees are:
Some absinthe for Nana
A chunk of bread from Papa Boul
A stolen rotisserie chicken from The Front
And the Oscar goes to … the stolen rotisserie chicken! Unfortunately, it was picked clean on its way up to the stage by hungry soldiers, so we will accept this award on its behalf.
Fill In The Blank
How did we really feel about The Academy nominating this?
Ellen: I’d like to toast the Academy with a spot of French absinthe. It was… you know, it was alright! As above in the Previews, so below in Fill In The Blank: Tyler got here first, and he really nailed how I felt about it. I think my only other comment is that I like that it zagged on me a few times. I thought Diane saying that she herself was a remarkable man was quite cute and an unexpected payoff for Chico’s annoying repetition. Overall, Wings was both a better war movie and a better love story, so that’s why the Academy still gets a nice drink: it made the right decision.
Tyler: I’d like to give the Academy some wine and bread, but not like good wine and bread. 7th Heaven is not a bad movie by any means, but it deservedly lost to the much superior Wings. From the characters to the humor to the plot, the whole thing felt very “of the time” and usually not in a good way. Chico is self-righteous enough that, if not for the pity I felt for Diane, I would have otherwise actively rooted against. (How many times are you going to tell us you’re a “remarkable fellow”?!) The third act also felt entirely predictable … until it wasn’t when the happy-ish ending was inexplicably shoehorned in. To its credit, there were a handful of shots that felt legitimately impressive for the time, most notably the extended shot of Chico and Diane going up the stairwell to his attic apartment. Overall, though, they weren’t enough to make 7th Heaven stand out in any other particular way.
Let The Credits Roll
Thanks for reading! Some quick housekeeping as you exit the theatre:
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Post-Credits Scene
Get a sneak peek at the next ILTBTA installment.
After receiving a lot of positive feedback on our honeymoon episodes, we decided to have some fun and play with the ILTBTA form yet again for our next post. And with the Oscars coming up soon (Sunday March 12th, 8PM Eastern on ABC), now seems like the perfect time. We understand that many (all?) of you may not have seen some of this year’s buzziest movies, so we want to give you our plots thoughts and feelings on the current crop of Best Picture nominees. Keep an eye on your inbox in the days leading up to the biggest night in movies.
“But what about my Tuesday night movie content??” you might ask. Fear not, imaginary ILTBTA subscriber, because we’ll also be sticking to our regularly scheduled programming on Tuesday March 14th. In celebration of Pi Day, we’ll be watching the 2012 adventure-drama Life of Pi. Directed by Ang Lee, Life of Pi follows a shipwrecked teenage boy and Bengal tiger as they learn to survive on a lifeboat. It’s available to rent at your local Blockbuster (and the usual streaming services).
Until then, always look up!
Tyler: Early bird gets the joke. And for once I’m the early bird.
Ellen: Lady, I like absinthe too, but chill out!!
Sounds like my ex-wife!
A direct rip from the title cards, because this is the ‘20s portraying the ‘10s.
Tyler: Did I consider having an In Memoriam segment for Eloise? You betcha.
Used to horrifying effect in the 2022’s All Quiet on the Western Front and probably also in reality
Results tabulated and certified by the accountants at Ernst & Yum™.