Greetings from your NEWLY MARRIED ILTBTA AUTHORS!!! For our first post-wedding post, we’ll be discussing the 2002 musical Chicago, not-so-coincidentally also the city where WE JUST GOT MARRIED!!!!1! So get your jazz hands ready, find a sequined dress, and read on!
Previews
What, if anything, did we know about this coming attraction before we watched it?
Ellen: This is one of those movies that I now don’t really remember a time before I saw it. It’s a go-to for me when I want a jazzy, fun musical, a mood that Tyler has never experienced but I find myself in frequently. Let’s paint the town red, doll!
Tyler: I know of this movie almost exclusively from all of the important women in my life: you’ve talked about how much you enjoy it, and I have foggy memories of my mom and Kim watching it back in the day1. Beyond that, though, not much. I think this is where “And All That Jazz” is from, right? Maybe? I don’t know, let’s find out.
Plots & Feelings
This one’s pretty self-explanatory.
Short Version (courtesy of IMDb): Two death-row murderesses develop a fierce rivalry while competing for publicity, celebrity, and a sleazy lawyer's attention.
Long Version (modified from Wikipedia and formatted to fit your screen):
A wailing trumpet shepherds us into the jazzy world of 1924 Chicago show biz. The glamorous t-strap heels of one Velma Kelly glide down the snowy alley outside The Onyx theater, where she assures the stage manager she can do her act without her sister Veronica. She takes the stage and sings about “All That Jazz” to a rapt audience, none more so than chorus girl Roxie Hart, who watches in adoration and imagines herself on stage. This will be a running theme! Her side-piece Fred Casely reports he’s done speaking with the manager, and the two return to her apartment where they make a little jazz of their own. After the show, Velma is arrested for killing her sister and husband, whom she found in bed together.
Ellen: Catherine Zeta-Jones has such a presence in this movie; it’s just the best.
Tyler: She has quite the intensity when she performs that’s especially captivating to watch. I’d also like to point out the borderline comically bad computer generated Chicago street background that we get a quick glimpse of in the beginning. I wonder if it’s supposed to evoke a stage show background, or if I’m being too generous.
Ellen: The CG is evocative of a certain time, and it ain’t 1920s Chicago lol
One month later, Fred and Roxie’s steamy affair has cooled somewhat. It heats right back up, however, when she finds out he lied about putting in a good word with the manager at the Onyx, and she shoots him dead! When her gullible husband Amos comes home, she convinces him that Fred was a burglar and to confess himself. Her thought bubble of singing a song of love and devotion to her “Funny Honey” while lying atop of a piano is abruptly popped when Amos’ interrogation leads to the revelation that she’s a cheating, lying hussy! They cart her off to the Cook County jail, where another fresh inmate2 informs her that “Mama” Morton isn’t a bad warden, especially "When You're Good to Mama". Roxie immediately ignores the whole point of Mama’s song and dance and tries to get extra blankets for free. Idiot.3
That night on Murderess’ Row, Roxie’s slightly panicked brain creates a montage of the other six women explaining their murders. Of note are that a Hungarian woman named Katalin is definitely innocent, and that Velma is the only guilty one smart enough to not reveal that fact, even to her fellow inmates. Despite an utter lack of interest and overt hostility from the object of her admiration, Roxie continuously attempts to impress Velma. Mama seems to take pity on her and suggests she hire a brilliant (if a little skeezy) lawyer named Billy Flynn, who has never lost a case for a female client - as long as Roxie shells out $100 for Mama to make the call. Oh, and Amos needs to come up with $5,0004 for his murderous wife! And no, Roxie, you may not pay Billy in sex.
Tyler: I appreciate this movie giving the straight men watching this with their significant others some absolutely gorgeous women to look at. “Cell Block Tango” is a great example of this.
Roxie and Billy, who is also Velma’s lawyer, get to work, crafting a narrative that she was an innocent convent girl swept up by jazz and booze. The linchpin to their defense is that “We Both Reached for the Gun,” and the press eat it up gladly. Roxie now spends her time floating about the cellblock in cute robes, writing in her diary, and planning her “Roxie” act for when she gets out. Velma has fallen by the wayside, and in an act of desperation tries to butter the blonde up with caramels and a show like everyone else. It, uh, doesn’t work. But, the news moves fast in the Windy City, and a triple homicide committed by a pineapple heiress Kitty Baxter threatens Roxie’s Jazz Killer in Chief status. What’s a sociopath to do? Pretend she’s pregnant, of course!
Ellen: Apparently in the stage show, the heiress role is called “Go-to-Hell Kitty,” and her absolute “F YOU” attitude could not be more different from the pure-as-snow, sweeter-than-sugar persona that Roxie’s putting on.
Amos is thrilled as father-to-be, and everyone is like “sure okay honey.” Roxie gets fed up with the sweetheart act and fires Billy for trying to make her wear an ugly dress to court. The gravity of her situation finally gets through her thick skull when Katalin loses her last appeal, however, and she becomes the first woman in Cook County history to be executed by hanging. The newly rehired Billy assures Roxie that to succeed in court, you just have to give them the old “Razzle Dazzle”. Among the tricks are a staged reconciliation between Roxie and her husband and a well-timed feinted faint from Roxie, which enrages Velma, who is listening in on the radio with Mama back at the jailhouse. But what ho! Mama gives Velma what is allegedly Roxie’s diary, which has some pretty incriminating passages. Velma makes a deal with the DA to drop her case in exchange for her testifying, but Billy soon sows doubt as to the diary’s provenance, given some overly-lawyerly paragraphs. Billy tap-dances his way to accusing the DA of planting the diary, and Roxie is found not guilty!
Ellen: The magic act that Roxie imagines to deal with the trauma of Katalin’s execution is really quite beautiful. I also highly recommend looking up the lyrics to “Razzle Dazzle,” because there are some really fun turns of phrase and rhymes in there.
Immediately following her acquittal, a shooting on the courthouse steps eclipses Roxie’s star, and that’s Chicago. Oh yeah, and Billy actually tampered with the diary himself to free two clients at once, bang! Roxie kicks Amos to the curb again, revealing there’s no baby. She attempts a largely unsuccessful vaudeville run, her killer past seemingly not interesting enough to put her on the stage. Velma is strangely having similar bad luck, and the two do the only thing they can: team up, baby! The movie ends with the electric duo receiving a standing ovation from the characters they met along the way5 and proclaiming “We couldn't have done it without you!”
Tyler: Are we to believe that their show is actually happening, or is it another figment of Roxie’s imagination?
Ellen: I’ve always interpreted this as real, but that’s a great question, especially given the whole cast is in the audience. Because I clearly think Velma is the true protagonist of this movie, I believe that she was the secret sauce to Roxie actually making it.
Intermission
Even though ILTBTA is free, please indulge us further and enjoy this quick “advertisement.”
This installment of ILTBTA is brought to you by … the Cook County Jail!
Hey all you merry murderesses, are you looking for the best accommodations you can get? Do you feel the need for a strong, motherly presence during your incarceration? Are you desperately attempting to get the attention of Billy Flynn?
If the above describes you, then look no further than the Cook County Jail. Learn laundry skills, enjoy meals and free time with like-minded people, and if you’re lucky, catch an impromptu performance from the incomparable Velma Kelly!
Mention ILTBTA during processing to receive a single extra blanket! You can’t do this alone: let the Cook County Jail help.
Wiki-Wiki-Whaaat?
Love a good Wikipedia rabbit hole in search of some fun facts? Us too.
Chicago’s Wikipedia page has some interesting facts and anecdotes that we recommend you read through, but here are a few of our favorites:
Chicago is based on a 1975 Broadway musical of the same name, which in turn was based on a 1926 play of the same name, which in turn was inspired by some real-life murders in Chicago in the 1920s. The courthouse journalist who wrote (incredibly popular, yet sensationalized) newspaper columns about the trials, Maurine Dallas Watkins, used them as fodder for the play. The 1975 musical was co-written, directed, and choreographed by legendary choreographer and director Bob Fosse, who holds the distinction of being the only person to ever win an Oscar, Emmy, and Tony in the same year.
Ellen: If only we could have had Bob choreograph our wedding dance!
Tyler: After the raucous applause we got from the box steps, I’m not sure the crowd could’ve handled jazz hands.
The “minimalist” revival of the Broadway show in 1996 was much more popular than the original run, eventually breaking records for longest-running musical revival, longest-running American musical on Broadway, and second longest-running show in Broadway history.
Catherine Zeta-Jones shares the same birthday with her husband Michael Douglas, though he is 25 years older than her. The two were introduced to each other by Danny DeVito.
Tyler: I can’t think of three more different-looking people than Catherine Zeta-Jones, Michael Douglas, and Danny DeVito.
In an unexpected yet hilarious recurring segment, let’s check in with the AARP Movies for Grownups Awards, a real thing that I swear we did not make up. At the second annual award ceremony, Richard Gere was awarded the Breakaway Performance Award, with the AARP saying: “Who'd have thought that behind those American Gigolo eyes and that Officer and a Gentleman chin hid the soul of a song-and-dance man? He'll never make us forget Astaire—but we'll never think of Gere in the same way, either.”
Tyler: AARP is out here acting as if every award show other than the Kids’ Choice Awards isn’t already for adults.
Speaking of Richard Gere, his role of skeezy lawyer Billy Flynn was originally offered to John Travolta, who turned it down. Michael Jackson was apparently also considered for the role, but noted horrible human Harvey Weinstein (whose company Miramax produced and distributed the film) felt adamantly that Jackson would divert attention from the rest of the cast.
Oscar NomNomNomz
Since we all know a movie is nothing without the food and drink it incorporates.
It’s now time to award the Oscar for Best Snacktor in a Supporting Role6. And the nomnomnominees are:
The triple-cream caramels from San Francisco that Velma offers Roxie
Pineapples from Kitty Baxter’s family farms in Hawaii
A Chicago-style hot dog, a
calamity of a meallocal delicacy
And the Oscar goes to … the triple-cream caramels! Unfortunately, the caramels were stolen on their way up to the stage by some overeager grandmothers in the audience, so we will accept this award on their behalf.
Fill In The Blank
How did we really feel about The Academy nominating this?
Ellen: I’d like to put in a good word for the Academy down at The Onyx, because they deserve it! This is such a fun musical that also manages to encourage some self-reflection as to what we consider “entertainment.” Roxie is a terrible person, and I don’t think the movie is trying to convince us otherwise. She’s got a chaotic, scheming energy that’s like a slightly less dread-inducing Uncut Gems. I love the way that the musical numbers flash back and forth to what’s “actually” happening - it’s a masterclass in good transitions. I think all of the cast absolutely kill it with their performances, though I honestly just feel bad that Renee Zellweger had to try to live up to CZJ. It’s not like she did a bad job, but come on! Now please excuse me while I cut my hair into a bob!
Tyler: I’d like to buy the Academy tickets to a nice jazz show because they earned it. I’m admittedly usually pretty hesitant going into musicals, especially ones that are adaptations of plays that fail to take full advantage of what the screen has to offer and are basically just big-budget filmed plays7. However, I was pleasantly surprised at how Chicago was able to “cinematize” the source material, largely through over-the-top musical numbers and a really neat parallel structure that showed both the imagined musical numbers and the “real-life” action, which kept the plot moving along nicely and didn’t necessarily grind everything to a halt for the purpose of song and dance.
Granted, it seemed like each of those musical numbers was just a touch too long, but they (for the most part) all had interesting and/or grand enough lyrics, choreography, and set designs that I didn’t mind the length too much. (Except "Mr. Cellophane", my goodness that went on forever.) And while Richard Gere was merely fine, he was completely overshadowed by the dynamite performance from CZJ and Renee Zellweger, to the point where he’s almost an afterthought. Overall, it was entertaining and energetic without being frenetic, which is an impressive feat for a directorial debut. It’s like someone watched Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge! from the year prior and was like “I want THAT but less chaotic.”8
Let The Credits Roll
Thanks for reading! Some quick housekeeping as you exit the theatre:
If you have plots and feelings of your own (on the movie or ILTBTA in general), feel free to comment on the post or simply reply to the email. If you liked reading this: tell your friends! If you hated reading this: tell your friends how much you hated it by forwarding it to them!
If you’re a weirdo like Tyler and use Twitter, feel free to follow us there @BlankTheAcademy for ILTBTA updates, rejected jokes, and other random movie-related musings. Once we reach a million followers, we’ll offer to purchase the @ILTBTA handle from the butthead who snagged it before us.
If you’d like to start a wild Best Picture journey of your own, feel free to download a copy of The Spreadsheet. Bonus: checking off the boxes is oddly satisfying.
Post-Credits Scene
Get a sneak peek at the next ILTBTA installment.
With the holiday season approaching, we can’t help but dip our toes back into the Frank Capra/Jimmy Stewart pool and cover the 1946 Christmas classic It’s A Wonderful Life. Starring the aforementioned Stewart along with Donna Reed (whom we met in From Here To Eternity) and Henry Travers, IAWL tells the story of a man who is ready to give up on it all until a divine intervention from a guardian angel.
If you want to enjoy IAWL on the big screen, select Regal theatres will be showing it on December 18th and 21st to celebrate its 75th anniversary. And if you’re in the Houston area, IAWL will also be showing at ILTBTA-approved Rooftop Cinema Club on December 17th. Otherwise, it’s available to stream for free via this Vimeo link or with a subscription to Amazon Prime Video.
Until then, stay away from jazz and liquor!
Now that we’re married, I know what order to put everyone in.
It seems that the makeup shorthand for a stereotypical lady of the night has not evolved much in the last 100 years.
Ellen: I do not have a lot of patience for Roxie.
That’s about $86,000 in today’s dollars! I’ll leave it to any lawyerly readers to tell me if Amos is getting bilked.
One of the few times this movie feels like the ending to a stage show.
Results tabulated and certified by the accountants at Ernst & Yum™.
See my Fill In The Blank in our previous post for more complaints about this.
I tried in vain to come up with a subtitle along the lines of “And All That Baz” to make this point, but I couldn’t land that plane.