Jerry Maguire (1996)
Show me the punny!
Happy belated Valentine’s Day, and welcome back to I’d Like To Blank The Academy! This time around we dipped our toe into the sports and rom-com worlds with Jerry Maguire, a seemingly improbable Best Picture nominee from 1996 starring Tom Cruise, Renée Zellweger, and Cuba Gooding Jr. So grab your porty and your football helmet and read on!
Previews
What, if anything, did we know about this coming attraction before we watched?
Ellen: Nothing. I know nothing about this movie. I thought that “you had me at hello” was from When Harry Met Sally. This movie could be anything.
Tyler: I feel like I learned the broad strokes of this movie through osmosis over the years via random moments in sports and pop culture. So I'm familiar with some of the catchphrases (“Show me the money!”, “You had me at hello”, something about how much the human head weighs?) and the fact that it’s about a sports agent, but essentially nothing else. I still find it strange to see a movie starring Tom Cruise (of Risky Business, Tropic Thunder, Rock of Ages, and eighty Mission Impossible movies fame) be critically acclaimed enough to be nominated for Best Picture, but this is admittedly a personal problem.
Plots & Feelings
This one’s pretty self-explanatory.
Short Version (courtesy of IMDb): When a sports agent has a moral epiphany and is fired for expressing it, he decides to put his new philosophy to the test as an independent agent with the only athlete who stays with him and his former colleague.
Long Version (modified from Wikipedia and formatted to fit your screen):
Meet Jerry Maguire: the fast-talking, wheeling and dealing sports agent who presents as though he fights for you and tells it like it is, but is also kind of a disingenuous BS-er! Who’d’ve thunk! An encounter with the son of a thrice concussed NHL player leaves him questioning the whole enterprise. After two slices of “bad pizza” at a corporate conference in Miami, Jerry stays up all night writing a mission statement and even scoots himself to a Copymat to have it bound and handed out to everyone at his hotel. On the flight back, accountant Dorothy, who is sitting with her son (Ray) in coach, overhears Jerry in first class regaling his seatmate with the story of his proposal to his fiancée, Avery. She laments to Ray that first class used to just be a better meal, and now it’s a better life.
Ellen: There are several things I could bring up here, like the Sorkinesque rattling off of facts at the top of the movie or how Jerry says he receives 264 phone calls a day (my personal nightmare). But no. I want to focus on the fact that in Jerry’s proposal story, he mentions the song “Here Comes the Bride,” and the woman replies “I love that song!” WHAT? You love that song? Who loves that song??
Tyler: I was mostly confused as to why Dorothy, despite apparently having more than one option for childcare, chose to bring her rambunctious child along with her on a work trip by herself. I, an experienced parent, would never.
Little does Dorothy know after a brief encounter meeting Jerry in baggage claim that his life is not strictly better than hers. The affianced Avery just brutally says every thought that crosses her mind, and the running theme of his bachelor party (which happens at work?) is his dual inability to form meaningful connections or be alone. And to cap it all off, his company didn’t really love the whole “fewer clients, less money” vibe of his
memomanifesto, and his protégé Bob Sugar gleefully fires him over lunch. The two spend the rest of the afternoon in a telephone-based tug-of-war for Jerry’s clients, and they are deserting him like rats on the Titanic1. Jerry manages to hang on to the flamboyant Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Rod Tidwell by promising to show him the money. As Jerry takes his toys and heads home, he announces he’s starting his own company. Only Dorothy agrees to come with, because she loved his mem-ifesto.
Americans asking Congress for their Child Tax Credit (Source) Ellen: I must have never looked at the “show me the money” gif that closely, because I always imagined it being shouted in jubilation! I also didn’t catch Bob’s name until later, so I refer to him in my notes as Smarmface.
Jerry and Dorothy’s nearest and dearest show their concern in their own ways, with Avery stating that Jerry will absolutely succeed in his new venture and definitely isn’t a loser, and Dorothy’s sister Laurel grilling her about insurance coverage and what she could have been thinking. Besides Rod, Jerry’s only other prospect is college football superstar Matt “Cush” Cushman. The semi-disgraced agent flies to Texas to smooth things over with the Cush clan2, and wonder of wonders: they’re staying with him! Later at the NFL Draft, everyone including Jerry is falling all over Cush and forgetting about Rod. Eventually Jerry remembers that his approach is supposed to be a more personal one and takes Rod on a glad-handing tour of the floor before heading up to the Cushman suite. Through a poor strategic play by the Texas family, Jerry discovers that they’ve actually decided to stay with Bob Sugar, and the dad says he made the call while Jerry was downstairs “with that black fellow.”3
Avery, whose exact profession remains unclear but she’s at the Draft, is absolutely spitting mad that he blew up their lives and knocks his lights out when he ends their engagement. On the flight back, Jerry questions why Rod would stay with him. The wide receiver sagely says it’s because he said he would, then puts in his stethoscope-ass headphones and proceeds to jam. Dorothy invites Jerry over, to the clucking disapproval but reluctant help of her sister, and he arrives, drunk and bruised from his ex-fiancée. Upon hearing that the fiancée is now exed, Dorothy takes the opportunity to put on a lower cut shirt and move in, because she feels like the oldest 26-year-old in the world as a widow with a young kid and limited prospects. Unbeknownst to her, that young kid has snuck out of bed and is adorably bonding with Jerry. Realizing how drunk her boss is, Dorothy calls a cab and sends him home, but the seeds of, uh, romance (?) have been planted.
Jerry flies to Arizona to focus on his one and only client, and while Rod is smashing records and catching absolutely everything, his coach would prefer a prototypical big receiver. In the locker room, the sculpted Rod refuses to buy into Jerry’s bad-faith “shouldn’t you play for the love of the game and not money” argument and introduces the concept of kwan. Back in Manhattan Beach, Dorothy hits Jerry with the facts of their finances and in the process says the word “alone” enough times that Jerry panics and invites her to dinner! On the date, Dorothy rejects the time-honored Bachelor tradition of trauma-dumping way too early in a relationship and gets up from the table to call home instead. At her doorstep, after some mutual hesitation the two kiss and decide to spend the night together with the jazz tape that Ray’s nanny Chad offered them on his way out.
Tyler: More like “Jerry Mag-why are you banging your only coworker?”
Ellen: Chad really needs to meet up with Ryan Gosling’s character from La La Land - they’ll have so much white-guys-loving-jazz to talk about!
After a disappointing offer for Rod’s new contract and the knowledge that Dorothy is considering moving to San Diego for a job so that she’s not a drain on the company, things aren’t looking too great for old Jer. Dorothy has rented a U-HAUL. It’s all packed, Ray is in the front seat, and Laurel watches from the window. Jerry and Dorothy say goodbye until - BRAIN BLAST - Jerry decides that getting married will solve all their money problems, and Dorothy is smitten for some reason so she says yes! One backyard wedding and successful season for Rod later, athlete and agent are discussing marriage. Rod and his wife Marcee are each other’s perfect companions, fighting for each other and expressing love and support in equal measure, and Jerry and Dorothy are … not. In that same backyard, Dorothy says she thought she could love enough for the both of them, but she can’t live in a marriage where her husband loves her kid and merely “sure does like me a lot.”
Tyler: Not that I was entirely onboard before this point, but the whole proposal and marriage is where this movie lost me. I get that they wanted to draw the parallel between Jerry-Dorothy and Rod-Marcee, but I’m pretty sure I literally said “Seriously?” when this happened and may have even booed the screen.
Ellen: I imagine a cut scene of Laurel watching from the window and yelling “WHAT THE F-” and like the U-HAUL horn drowns out her curse.
“I’ll do my own research” (Source)
Cut to: Monday Night Football, baby! The Cardinals are playing the villainous Dallas Cowboys4, and Rod is doing wonderfully but paying for it in tackles. He catches a game-winning touchdown pass, but is absolutely passed out in the endzone. After a tense few minutes, he pops back up and executes an exultant touchdown dance. Rod and Jerry embrace after the game, and when Jerry gets a call on his “porty,” his disappointment when it’s Marcee and not Dorothy makes him jet back home. He bursts into a meeting of Laurel’s divorced women’s support group and declares his love for Dorothy, who interrupts his monologue to say he had her at “hello.” Rod receives an appropriately fat contract, other athletes are interested in Jerry’s new agency, and even Ray has got a bit of a baseball arm on him.
Tyler: Maybe I’ve seen too many nasty football injuries, but I interpreted Rod’s injury at the end to be more serious (concussion? spinal?) than exhaustion. Either way, the Cardinals’ doctors figuratively poking him with a stick to get him to snap out of it made me chuckle.
Ellen: There are also signs in the stadium reading “In Rod We Trust,” and that pun brought me more joy than the majority of this movie.
Intermission
Even though ILTBTA is free, please indulge us further and enjoy this quick “advertisement.”
This installment of ILTBTA is brought to you by … the Maguire Sports Agency!
Are you looking for fewer clients and less money? Oh, gosh, no, not less money for you, our all-important client! Less money for me, your shark-like agent, just searching for lesser fish to devour on your behalf. Maguire Sports Agency provides personal, one-on-one attention to all our clients, with each getting 100% of our undivided attention. How does that math check out? Don’t worry about it: that’s our job.
And for our employee(s), we offer a competitive starting salary* and attractive benefits** in a desirable location***! Once you’re ready to join our team at the Maguire Sports Agency, use promo code ILTBTA when you sign your contract and we’ll let you keep the pen you sign it with!
Maguire Sports Agency: we won’t just show you the money, we’ll show you the love!
*Competitive with local minimum wage; salary almost entirely dependent upon commissions
**Benefits include working with attractive people; don’t ask about health insurance ***Work location may be your co-worker’s living room
Wiki-Wiki-Whaaat?
Love a good Wikipedia rabbit hole in search of some fun facts? Us too.
Jerry Maguire’s Wikipedia page has some interesting facts and anecdotes that we recommend you read through, but here are a few of our favorites:
Jerry’s “mission statement” was inspired by a 28-page memo distributed at Disney by Jeffrey Katzenberg in 1991. Katzenberg and his “ego and almost pathological need to be important” caused tensions at Disney that led to his forced resignation in 1994. (A subsequent lawsuit by Katzenberg against Disney was settled out of court for $250 million.) He later went on to co-found DreamWorks and Quibi (you win some, you lose some).
For his role as Rod Tidwell, Cuba Gooding Jr. won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor and had a very endearing acceptance speech.
Ellen: That clip is worth watching to the end, but my goodness, the 1997 fashion on display here: the LAPELS on these gentlemen!
Director Cameron Crowe originally wrote the screenplay with Tom Hanks in mind, but took so long that by the time he was done he thought Hanks was too old for the role. Woody Harrelson was apparently offered the role, but turned it down.
Janet Jackson auditioned and was initially accepted for the role of Rod’s wife Marcee, though it later went to Regina King, who co-starred in Janet Jackson's debut film Poetic Justice. Janet Jackson is actually referenced twice in the film, with a Janet poster seen hanging in Teepee's room and Rod asking "What Have You Done for Me Lately?", paying homage to Jackson's hit of the same name.
In 2017 the NFL produced two mockumentaries to commemorate Jerry Maguire’s 20th anniversary that detailed the careers of Rod Tidwell and Frank Cushman after the events of the movie. Tidwell was offered an even more lucrative contract but turned it down for more family time and the lack of “kwan.” Cushman, on the other hand, retired after four years due to severe athlete’s foot and devoted his life to charity working helping children with the affliction.
Oscar NomNomNomz
Since we all know a movie is nothing without the food and drink it incorporates.
It’s now time to award the Oscar for Best Snacktor in a Supporting Role5. And the nomnomnominees are:
The bad pizza from Miami that inspired Jerry’s mission statement
The leftovers from the Mexican restaurant Jerry and Dorothy eat at
The muffins laid out by Dorothy to make their rag-tag operation look more legit
And the Oscar goes to … the bad pizza from Miami! Unfortunately, Ellen ran away with the pizza yelling “SAVE THE ‘ZA, SAVE THE WORLD!”, so Tyler will accept this award on its behalf.
Fill In The Blank
How did we really feel about The Academy nominating this?
Ellen: I’d like to buy the Academy two slices of bad pizza, because while pizza has to be pretty atrocious for me to describe it as bad, ‘tis better than not having pizza’d at all. Look, I didn’t hate this movie, but I just don’t get it. This reminds me of Four Weddings and a Funeral two years prior - it feels like the Academy rewarding any rom-com that “breaks the mold” of the genre, whether it’s Best Picture material or not. The subversion itself is enough, it seems. And aside from it being nominated, it delivered on neither the rom nor the com for me. I giggled some mostly via charm from child actors and ancillary characters, but I didn’t feel very attached to either of our lead characters or even particularly like them all that much. I certainly was not rooting for their “relationship,” but it wasn’t so drastic that I wanted their lives to blow up. To paraphrase Jerry, Best Picture nominees are like popcorn in the pan: some pop, some don’t!
Tyler: I’d like to Venmo you for half of that pizza and tell the Academy to go back and try again. I totally agree that it feels as if this was rewarded for some perceived subversion of the genre by the Academy, something I don’t think was wholly deserved. As a football fan, it was admittedly neat to see some of the behind-the-scenes negotiations that are typically behind closed doors, and the (indirect) recognition of how athletes’ extended families can also rely on the next contract. Unfortunately, too much of it just felt unrealistic and corny, with the Monday Night Football game theatrics and the contract announcement via talk show (...?) standing out. And as a movie fan, the pacing felt off, the writing was cringe-inducing at times, and I didn’t feel emotionally connected to any of the characters (any of the adult characters, I should say: all the kids ruled). It’s almost as if it half-assed being a football drama AND a rom-com, instead of just whole-assing one of them.
Let The Credits Roll
Thanks for reading! Some quick housekeeping as you exit the theatre:
If you have plots and feelings of your own (on the movie or ILTBTA in general), feel free to comment on the post or simply reply to the email. If you liked reading this: tell your friends! If you hated reading this: tell your friends how much you hated it by forwarding it to them!
If you’re a weirdo like Tyler and use Twitter, feel free to follow us there @BlankTheAcademy for ILTBTA updates, rejected jokes, and other random movie-related musings. Once we reach a million followers, we’ll offer to purchase the @ILTBTA handle from the butthead who snagged it before us.
If you’d like to start a wild Best Picture journey of your own, feel free to download a copy of The Spreadsheet. Bonus: checking off the boxes is oddly satisfying.
For pizza’s sake, GET YOUR COVID VACCINE AND BOOSTER! Wear a mask. Get tested. Don’t be an idiot.
Post-Credits Scene
Get a sneak peek at the next ILTBTA installment.
In celebration of the newest batch of Oscar nominees6, our next ILTBTA post will highlight one we failed to catch in theatres: Nightmare Alley. Starring Tyler’s favorite actor Bradley Cooper, Nightmare Alley can be streamed for free with an HBO Max or Hulu subscription, and is available to rent basically everywhere else. The neo-noir original from 1947 is also available to watch for free on this random YouTube channel. Disclaimer: we cannot confirm the “GOOD QUALITY” of the video itself, though the movie (and the novel it’s based on) is apparently quite good.
Until then, go get that kwan!
Sounds like my ex-wife!
“Cush clan” is also shorthand for the Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg Super Bowl halftime show.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek
Tyler: Boooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Results tabulated and certified by the accountants at Ernst & Yum™.
If you want to watch this year’s Best Picture nominees (and future ILTBTA posts!), this Washington Post article breaks down where you can watch them all. #CinemaThrivesInDarkness
Long time reader, first time commenter just here to say y’all kill it every time. I cackled in the best way😂