Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
A feel-good legal drama for the holiday season.
Happy holidays ILTBTA readers! For this installment, we were feeling festive and watched the 1947 Christmas classic Miracle on 34th Street. (Apologies to our readers who don’t celebrate Christmas.) Grab some milk and cookies and read on!
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Previews
What, if anything, did we know about this coming attraction before we watched?
Ellen: Even before The Spreadsheet (we bow to thee), I had a list of quintessential Christmas movies that I had somehow missed lo my many years on this Earth. Along with such dubious classics as National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story was Miracle on 34th Street. I suppose I knew the basic premise, and I learned about young Natalie Wood’s presence from a podcast about the circumstances surrounding her death (very festive). But other than that my impressions were as fresh as newly fallen snow!
Tyler: Two years ago my Dad realized that no one else in my family had ever seen It’s A Wonderful Life, so we all watched that together and had a lovely time. Last year, it was Miracle on 34th Street’s turn, as we all got to check off another Christmas classic. (This year’s movie is still TBD.) Prior to watching it, I didn’t know much about the plot, let alone what the titular 34th Street was in reference to (I’m not THAT kind of coastal elite). Speaking of the plot, let’s jump into it!
Plots & Feelings
This one’s pretty self-explanatory.
Short Version (courtesy of IMDb): After a divorced New York mother hires a nice old man to play Santa Claus at Macy's, she is startled by his claim to be the genuine article1. When his sanity is questioned, a lawyer defends him in court by arguing that he's not mistaken.
Long Version (modified from Wikipedia and formatted to fit your screen):
Once more we welcome you back to the Big Apple: Holiday Edition! A man strolls down the street as the credits stroll across the screen. Kris Kringle stops only to “well actually” a clerk setting up a reindeer display, then continues his walk while singing “Jingle Bells” under his breath, which in another context could be quite troubling. But no time for such dark thoughts, it’s time to organize the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade! Doris Walker is HBIC2, directing traffic and doing her best, but unbeknownst to her, her Santa Claus is boozin’ and snoozin’. Kris is absolutely indignant, and Doris does the adult version of “well if you know so much then you do it.” It works beautifully, and Kringle is hired to play Santa at Macy's flagship store on 34th Street.
Ellen: If this took place in Houston, the original Santa would have had a to-go frozen marg to keep cool!
Tyler: “Miracle at The Galleria” is really just a story about finding a parking spot.
Doris is far too logical to freeze outside watching her own parade, so she heads home to find her daughter Susan viewing it from the window with the handsome neighbor Fred Gailey. Susan is a precocious and practical child, not familiar with such frivolities as fairy tales and beanstalks. She reveals matter-of-factly to Fred that she doesn’t remember her father because her parents divorced when she was a baby, and for the remainder of the conversation Fred is distracted by the hearts dancing in front of his eyes at the news Doris is single.
Tyler: "If at first you don't succeed, try try again" is Fred and every other man's approach to picking up women. And if there’s a child involved, use them!
Somehow able to tell how his interpersonal, one-on-one skills with children will be simply via parade, everyone at the store from Julian Shellhammer (toy department head) to Alfred (janitor) to Mr. Macy himself (robber baron) is hyped for the new Santa Claus. Kris brings his own suit and ignores all the instructions from Shellhammer on pushing overstocked toys in favor of telling parents exactly where to get the gifts their children actually want, including if that place is not Macy’s. Shellhammer goes into a slight fugue state overhearing this, but is revivified by a mother saying that Santa is genius and she’ll be a loyal Macy’s customer from now on.
She is the first in a long parade of calls to the toy department thanking them for their selflessness. Doris has misgivings regarding the fact that Kris truly, madly, deeply believes himself to be Santa Claus, and in pulling his employment card sees that he’s listed eight reindeer as his next of kin and states his age as “as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth.”3 Eurgh. Anyway, Fred has brought Susan over to see her mom, but sneaks a visit in with Santa of course. Susan is polite but unconvinced, clearly thinking she’s wasting her precious six-year-old time. Kringle decides he’ll just have to convince her. Right as Doris is about to drop the Shell-hammer on him, Mr. Macy calls up her and Shellhammer to his office to announce that all departments are going to adopt the same policy as the Toy Department, and they’re both getting bonuses!
Ellen: In the office scene, Macy talks about how they’ll get a whole new reputation with this policy, saying they’ll be the “store with a heart, who puts service before profit ... and consequently we'll make more profits than ever before.” The actor’s stage-whisper delivery of the second half of that line and then immediately moving into the next is so good.
Piles of money aside, Doris is still worried about the whole situation, so they resolve to both talk to Dr. Pierce from the elder care home where Kris lives and have Mr. Claus examined by Macy’s in-house psychologist Mr. Sawyer. Pierce says Kris is totally harmless and of sound mind (despite forgetting several things himself). Kris decides he can’t wait until the courtroom scenes for cross-examination and politely prods at Mr. Sawyer’s personal life, which the latter takes badly. Kringle passes his examination, but Sawyer still recommends his dismissal. Deciding it’s safest to have Kris stay with someone in the city just in case, Shellhammer decides to get his wife shell-hammered that night to get her to agree. Meanwhile, Kris comes to the Walker home for dinner for Plot Reasons, where he attempts to teach Susan that imagination isn’t a complete waste of time. Fred undermines the Shellhammer Scheme by offering to have Kris stay with him, and the two vow to try and cure Doris and Susan of their cynicism.
Tyler: It's up to these men to save those cold-hearted women!
Kris and Fred continue to get closer to the Walker women in a bunch of cute little scenes, the most important of which is Susan revealing to Kris that her Christmas wish is for a real house where she and her mom can live. The new “helpful” policy at Macy’s prompts Gimbels to do the same to not look greedy, and the two have a photo-op with Kris to promote goodwill and holiday cheer, despite being bitter rivals. Not all is merry and bright, however, for as Alfred is eating lunch with Kris, our young janitor reveals that Mr. Sawyer sees him every day after lunch to talk about all the complexes he apparently has but is unaware of. Kringle storms into Sawyer’s office, stating “I have great respect for psychiatry and great contempt for meddling amateurs who go around practicing it!” He then thwacks Sawyer over the head with his cane! Sawyer’s fine, but pretends to pass out and be seriously injured, which he uses as pretext for sending Kris to Bellevue.
Ellen: For the time, I was very pleasantly surprised at Kris Kringle’s views on psychiatry and mental health! I have to imagine he’d be pretty upset by some of the charlatans we have today in a little thing we call the Wellness Industry…
Fred, who is an attorney, receives the call that Kris has been committed. Santa reveals he bombed the questionaire on purpose because he’s lost faith in his ability to change Doris’ mind, thinking she only thinks him to be a sweet old man. Fred convinces him not to give up, and the dispute over signing the commitment papers leads to a highly publicized hearing. The District Attorney believes his job is done when Kris states unequivocally that he is Santa Claus, but Fred decides that the goal will be to prove that he is Santa, and thus is not insane for saying so. Various people are called to the stand, including the DA’s own son and Mr. Macy, who say that Santa is not only real, but is Kris Kringle. Macy pauses on his way out to fire Sawyer, a true Christmas miracle.
Ellen: I am now deeply concerned for the DA’s marriage, not because his kid contradicted him in court, but because his wife neglected to mention that their child had been subpoenaed!!
Things aren’t all sunshine as the movie poster would have you believe, however. Doris and Fred have a big fight over Fred quitting his job to defend Kris, Fred has no idea how to prove Kris is actually Santa Claus, and the newspaper headlines are out of control4. In his darkest hour, Susan decides to write to Kris to say she believes in him, and Doris signs too. The Post Office see someone addressed a letter to Santa in court, and they come up with the brilliant idea to deliver all the Santa letters in the Dead Letter Office5 to the courthouse. Upon hearing of this, Fred establishes how credible and wonderful the postal service is and then presents the letters as evidence. The judge dismisses the case, much to the relief of his relationship with his grandchildren!
Tyler: This movie should be called Miracle at the Mail Sorting Facility because they're essentially saved by a couple post office employees who were too lazy to dispose of the “dead” letters.
Ellen: Fred states that the Postal Service made $1,112,877,174 in the previous year. How much would that be in today’s dollars? Lock in your guesses now, and check out the footnote!6
There’s a big Christmas celebration at the elder care facility where Kris lives, and the gang’s all here! Susan rushes to the tree and is immediately disappointed7 to not see a house under there (she clarifies she didn’t expect to literally be there, idiot.) Doris consoles her, explaining the concept of faith and telling her not to give up. Kris gives Fred and Doris directions for the best way home to avoid traffic, and what ho ho ho, it drives them right by Susan’s dream house! She demands Fred stop the car, and she busts into the house, exclaiming "Mr. Kringle IS Santa Claus!" and excitedly telling her mom that this faith thing worked out great! Upon hearing this, Fred suggests they have to purchase the house, and Doris is down! Fred is basking in his own brilliant legal mind when both of them notice a cane in the corner, which makes them wonder just how much either of them had to do with this miracle.
Intermission
Even though ILTBTA is free, please indulge us further and enjoy this quick “advertisement.”
This installment of ILTBTA is brought to you by … Fred Gailey, Attorney at Law.
Mr. Gailey specializes in the impossible, combining a flair for the fantastical with all the excitement and minutiae of legal technicalities. Want to sue your child to prove that you’re not really The Tooth Fairy? Fred Gailey is your guy. Trying to convince your mother that Sasquatch is real? Fred Gailey Esq. will use a t-shirt from a National Parks Service gift shop to win your case.
Tell Mr. Gailey that ILTBTA sent you and get a free legal consultation PLUS 34% off your next lawsuit involving a widely-believed-to-be-fictional character.
Wiki-Wiki-Whaaat?
Love a good Wikipedia rabbit hole in search of some fun facts? Us too.
Miracle on 34th Street’s Wikipedia page has some interesting facts and anecdotes that we recommend you read through, but here are a few of our favorites:
The opening scenes at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade were filmed live during the actual parade in 1946, which made for some frantic filming. Assistant Director Arthur Jacobson filmed the parade on Thanksgiving morning with nine cameras simultaneously.
After some frantic filming, there was some frantic promotion because studio head Daryl F. Zanuck insisted that this objectively Christmas movie be released in May because more people see movies when it’s warmer. As a result, trailers for the movie somehow didn’t mention the movie’s Christmas themes, and Kris Kringle was kept in the background of promotional posters (like the one at the top of this post). It was eventually released on June 3, 1947.
Ellen: Downplaying this movie’s “Christmas themes” must have been quite a feat, because there’s nary a scene that does not mention Christmas, Santa Claus, or general jolliness.
In order to get the script approved by the Production Code Administration, the filmmakers went through several iterations of titles over the course of four months before production could even begin. The film began as My Heart Tells Me, then went to The Big Heart to It’s Only Human to Meet Me at Dawn and (finally) to Miracle on 34th Street.
Tyler: Presumably the scripts were different for those other titles because none of them would make any sense with the final plot.
Ellen: All perfect titles, no notes, no questions.
The film received mostly positive reviews, except from The Catholic Legion of Decency, which gave it a B due to the main character being a divorcee and probably for being too fun.
Tyler: True decency would be not making people kneel so much at mass, but that’s besides the point.
Natalie Woods apparently spent the entire production thinking Kringle actor Edmund Gwenn was actually Santa, and finally realized he wasn't when he showed up at the production wrap party without his beard.
In 1985, it became one of the first full-length black and white movies to be colorized, a process that took four-and-a-half months.
In 2012, the flagship Macy's Department Store at Herald Square in New York City featured a 30-minute puppet version8 of the story within its Santaland display.
Oscar NomNomNomz
Since we all know a movie is nothing without the food and drink it incorporates.
It’s now time to award the Oscar for Best Snacktor in a Supporting Role9. And the nomnomnominees are:
Drunk Santa’s liquor
Piping-hot post-parade coffee
The Walker’s giant Thanksgiving turkey
And the Oscar goes to … Drunk Santa’s liquor! Unfortunately, Ellen has pilfered the liquor to make a holiday-themed cocktail, so Tyler will accept this award on its behalf.
Fill In The Blank
How did we really feel about The Academy nominating this?
Ellen: I’d like to tug on the Academy’s beard to make sure they’re legit, because this movie seems almost a little too sweet for their tastes! You get some drama, you get some comedy, but you mostly get really lovely relationships that evolve and grow through the movie in a pretty believable way. Santa and Susan (alternate title, called it) absolutely steal the show, and it’s the textbook definition of a feel-good movie. My only criticism is probably that this in part spawned the oft-used Hallmark trope of “career-driven woman can’t get into the Christmas spirit and needs one or more men to teach her how,” but I think I can forgive that.
Tyler: I’d like to give a thoughtful, carefully wrapped present to the Academy for nominating Mo34S. I can’t say I was expecting a Christmas movie to spend so much time in a courtroom, but the introduction of the other characters (e.g., the judge and his political advisor10, the DA and his family, etc.) in the last act was well done in my opinion. Also, fairly or not, child actors can make or break movies like this where they’re featured prominently. Thankfully, little Natalie Wood nailed Susan and her transition from tiny skeptic to true believer (complete with sassy facial expressions). Edmund Gwenn’s portrayal of Kris Kringle was equally fantastic, an opinion shared by the actual Academy when they gave him the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. Despite what the yellow movie poster shows, those two were the real stars for me.
Let The Credits Roll
Thanks for reading! Some quick housekeeping as you exit the theatre:
If you have plots and feelings of your own (on the movie or ILTBTA in general), feel free to comment on the post or simply reply to the email. If you liked reading this: tell your friends! If you hated reading this: tell your friends how much you hated it by forwarding it to them!
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If you’d like to start a wild Best Picture journey of your own, feel free to download a copy of The Spreadsheet. Bonus: checking off the boxes is oddly satisfying.
For the love of God, GET YOUR COVID VACCINE AND BOOSTER! Wear a mask. Don’t be an idiot.
Post-Credits Scene
Get a sneak peek at the next ILTBTA installment.
Our first ILTBTA post of 2022 will be 2016’s Arrival, starring chronically-snubbed-by-the-Academy Amy Adams, Jeremy Renner, and not Natalie Wood. We were influenced by director Denis Villeneuve’s recent blockbuster Dune, Jeremy Renner’s leading role in Hawkeye over the past month, and frankly a desire to do something a little more modern this time around. Arrival is available for free with a Hulu subscription11, or for a small fee from YouTube, Google Play, and Apple TV.
Until then, happy boozin’ and snoozin’ to all who celebrate! See you in 2022(zin’).
Tyler: Genuine Article was the name of my newspaper-themed band in high school.
Not to be confused with the HBCB, Whataburger’s own Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit. Doris would never.
A line he lifted from Jonathan Swift.
“Kris Kringle Krazy? Kourt Kase Coming. ‘Kalamity’ Kry Kiddies” - This should be illegal.
Ellen: One of those places that surely sounds 10x cooler than it actually is.
According to usinflationcalculator.com: $15,862,665,885.07!
Sounds like my ex-wife!
Tyler: The Wikipedia page has a “Puppets” sub-section, you think I’m not gonna click on that?
Results tabulated and certified by the accountants at Ernst & Yum™.
Shout out to my Dad for noticing that this actor also plays Fred Mertz in I Love Lucy.
Tyler: Heyyyy Ellen, what’s (y)our password again?