Oscars 2023: Best Picture Preview

Let chaos reign

Welcome readers to the 1st Annual ILTBTA Oscars Preview Post, hosted by yours truly. With the 95th Annual Academy Awards (otherwise known as The Oscars, though no one definitively knows why) coming up this Sunday, we wanted to take a break from all those old nominees and turn our spotlight onto the current crop of Best Picture nominees. Since chances are you’re not weirdos like us who have the list memorized, here’s a quick reminder of who those nominees are:

Nominees:

• All Quiet on the Western Front

• Avatar: The Way of Water

• Elvis

• Everything Everywhere All at Once

• Tár

• The Banshees of Inisherin

• The Fabelmans

• Top Gun: Maverick

• Triangle of Sadness

• Women Talking

Now without further ado, let’s get to the content!

Lions and Társ and Banshees, oh my! (Source)

Oh Sheeeeeeeet!

A peek behind the ILTBTA curtain to see our Spreadsheet comments.¹

• All Quiet on the Western Front

  • Ellen: As with the original, an absolute emotional gut punch, but toss in the beautiful cinematography and score? Fuggedaboutit

  • Tyler: An extremely worthy remake that nails just about everything (acting, casting, score, cinematography, writing)

• Avatar: The Way of Water

  • Tyler: Better than the first one in almost every way, from the dazzling visuals to familial storyline

  • Ellen: Weird how a movie can be so generic in parts and insanely imaginative in others; connected with the family much more than I expected to!

• Elvis

  • Tyler: Austin Butler knocks it out of the park, Baz and Tom Hanks ... do not

  • Ellen: Elvis had some hits! Tom, Tom, Tom, why is u like this

• Everything Everywhere All at Once

  • Tyler: The most imaginative and unique multiverse movie I've seen, brilliantly original

  • Ellen: What the heck is happening, who cares, I love it so much

• Tár

  • Ellen: Cate was absolutely captivating, and I was really into the first like 2/3 to 3/4. It's a shame that it dragged on so much, because by the time her comeuppance came, I was pretty exhausted. Tighten up!

  • Tyler: A stellar lead performance and fresh look at abusing power, but it was too long and I feel like I didn't understand any of the many many music references

• The Banshees of Inisherin

  • Tyler: Beautifully shot but I otherwise didn't think it was necessarily deserving of the buzz 

  • Ellen: Gorgeous, and it starts at a very human point I wanted to see play out. It jumps the tracks in a big way, but I didn't hate it.

• The Fabelmans

  • Tyler: Can a movie be TOO deeply personal? Well-acted and -shot, but his mom was way too much

  • Ellen: Steven clearly has some stuff to work out, but I (mostly) enjoyed watching him do it!

• Top Gun: Maverick

  • Tyler: A modern improvement on the original that's just still a touch too melodramatic but ultimately still quite fun and well-made

  • Ellen: It's everything I wanted done better the second time; get me a pilot's license, already!

• Triangle of Sadness

  • Ellen: ToS may assert that these characters deserve the scatalogical horror of the second act, but what did I ever do??? All the island stuff was fascinating, but like, I don't need it.

  • Tyler: Social/classist commentary is usually a lay-up for me to enjoy but boy howdy did I dislike pretty much everything about this

• Women Talking

  • Tyler: Much more gripping than I expected, with great acting all around and even some humor! Finally a nom with the right length too

  • Ellen: I razzed it for seeming so Oscar-baity, but wow it was beautifully written and acted, and yeah, I laughed!

Oscar NomNomNomz

Need some ceremony snacks? We’ve² got you covered.

It’s finally here, the Big Game Oscars! But before you settle in to watch three hours of pre-ceremony red carpet coverage, you find yourself in need of sustenance for what is infamously a looooooong show. Let us help you with some cinematic snackage suggestions, themed to each of the Best Picture nominees.

Amateurs (Source)

Take a seat at The table-mans and dig in! Craving some seafood? Don’t forget to dip your Women Tal-king crab legs or oysters in some Tártar sauce. Need some veggies? Toss in some chopped and seasoned Elvis Pres-leeks.

Looking for something fast and fun and a little alcoholic? Look no further than the Tom S-cruise-driver, but drink too many and you’ll be a real slop gun. Your favorite movie didn’t win a category you actually care about? Drown your sorrows in a Trye-angle of Sadness. Don’t forget to stay hydrated! Drink some (the way of) water between slices of Ban-cheese (of Inisherin).

Want some dessert to finish off the night? Try the vanilla creme on the German cake: it’s all white on the Western Bundt.

Really want to embrace the chaos? Just eat it All At Once.

Class Superlatives

What if the Oscars had a yearbook?

• Most Times Checking My Watch in the Theater: Triangle of Sadness

• Most Reasonable Runtime: Women Talking

• Most Cartoonish Portrayal of the US Military³: Avatar: The Way of Water

• Most Ambiguous Enemy: Top Gun: Maverick

• Most Expected Gore: All Quiet on the Western Front

• Most SURPRISE Gore: The Banshees of Inisherin

• Most Purposefully Chaotic: Everything Everywhere All at Once

• Most Unpurposefully Chaotic: Elvis

• Most Effective Depiction of School Bullies: The Fabelmans

• Most Satisfying Comeuppance for School Bullies: Tár

Congrats to all the grads! (Source)

Honorable Mentions

In which we stray from our Best Picture specialty and praise some other categories.

• Best Cinematography → James Friend for All Quiet

  • We don’t even really know what cinematography is (as the Supreme Court might say “I know it when I see it”), but it’s clear it was beautiful in this movie. Like ten minutes in one of us said “This was nominated for Best Cinematography, right? Because it’s gorgeous.”

• Best Actor → Austin Butler in Elvis

  • It’d be very interesting to hear from some of our older readers who lived during Elvis’ heyday about how they think Austin Butler did, but these millennials thought he was outstanding.

• Best Original Screenplay → The Daniels for Everything Everywhere

  • Be serious: how is this not the most original thing anyone has seen in a long time??

• Best Supporting Actress → Angela Bassett in Black Panther

  • We’re bracing ourselves for more #OscarsSoWhite if Jamie Lee Curtis wins this instead (especially over her more deserving co-star Stephanie Hsu), but Angela Bassett acts her heart out in Black Panther. Like right up to the line of being over the top, but not quite there.

• Best Original Score → Justin Hurwitz for Babylon

  • Look Babylon had its flaws, but the score was not one of them.

Basil’s Best

Our social media intern picks her favorite Oscars animals.

Greetings humans! This is Basil, the newest (and cutest) ILTBTA contributor. While I haven’t seen all of these Best Picture nominees⁴, I’ve done extensive research on all of them and have been very impressed by the animal representation! So in honor of those fantastic fauna, I’ll be presenting the ILTBTA Award for Best Animal. And the nominees are:

• The stolen goose from All Quiet on the Western Front

• Payakan, the whale-like creature from Avatar: The Way of Water

• Jenny, the donkey from The Banshees of Inisherin

• Sammy, Colm’s dog from The Banshees of Inisherin

• Bennie, the monkey from The Fabelmans

• Ruth and Cheryl, the horses from Women Talking

And my ILTBTA Award goes to … Sammy from Banshees! Oh goodness, Bennie the monkey is now throwing poop at the stage claiming I have a pro-dog bias, someone stop him. No Bennie, woof woof woof woof woof woof!!!

“Wake me up when the animals come back”

Final Rankings

Who’s the best of the Best?

We can generally put the nominees into a few different tiers:

1. Our Undeniable Favorite → Everything Everywhere All at Once

2. Very Well-Made, Will Clap If It Wins → All Quiet on the Western Front and Women Talking 

3. The Heavy Hitters → Avatar: The Way of Water, The Fabelmans, and Top Gun: Maverick

4. Thanks, But No Thanks⁵ → Elvis, Tár, and The Banshees of Inisherin

5. Our Undeniable Least Favorite → Triangle of Sadness

Share your thoughts on our rankings and tiers by commenting below or replying to the email!

Let The Credits Roll

Thanks for reading! Some quick housekeeping as you exit the theatre:

• If you have plots and feelings of your own (on the movie or ILTBTA in general), feel free to comment on the post or simply reply to the email. If you liked reading this: tell your friends! If you hated reading this: tell your friends how much you hated it by forwarding it to them!

• If you’re a weirdo like Tyler and use Twitter, feel free to follow us there @BlankTheAcademy for ILTBTA updates, rejected jokes, and other random movie-related musings. Once we reach a million followers, we’ll offer to purchase the @ILTBTA handle from the butthead who snagged it before us.

• If you’d like to start a wild Best Picture journey of your own, feel free to download a copy of The Spreadsheet. Bonus: checking off the boxes is oddly satisfying.

Post-Credits Scene

Get a sneak peek at the next ILTBTA installment.

As promised, we’ll get back on our usual Tuesday night release schedule on the 14th by celebrating Pi Day with Ang Lee’s 2012 film Life of Pi. The adventure-drama follows a shipwrecked teenage boy and Bengal tiger as they learn to survive on a lifeboat. Life of Pi is available wherever books are sold  movies are streamed.

Until then, enjoy the show!

Extra Credit

Who wants to read even more?!

We know that ILTBTA is everyone’s one and only media source for all things Oscars, but should you choose to dip a toe in the waters of other outlets, here are some Oscars articles we’ve enjoyed lately:

• Want to know why so many of 2022’s movies felt so chaotic? Read Washington Post chief film critic Ann Hornaday’s take. (Thanks for the help with our subtitle, Ann.)

• Hate that the Oscars is so long and goes so late? So do we! Thankfully, Daniel Joyaux over at The Ringer has some creative suggestions for how to fix the Oscars telecast.

• “Enough of the regular articles, give me a listicle gosh darnit!” you’re probably saying by now. As always, Buzzfeed has you covered. Scroll aimlessly through “25 Academy Awards Behind-The-Scenes Secrets That'll Make You Watch The Whole Show Differently.”

• Did all that reading make you hungry? Check out ten recipes from the Washington Post that are inspired by the Best Picture nominees. It’s like Oscar NomNomNomz but without the puns.

1. Ellen: Despite my name usually coming first, I chose to honor the order our spreadsheet comments came in.

2. Ellen: It says “we,” but Tyler is the mastermind behind all but one of these puns!
Tyler: Still, I couldn’t have done it without you. You’re my pun muse.

3. Snaking the W from Top Gun: Maverick!

4. Tyler: And the ones she has seen she’s largely slept through.

5. Sounds like my ex-wife!