Boy meets girl.
Girl disappears.
Boy reunites with girl.
Boy and girl fall in love??
Boy and girl get married?!
Boy and girl discover things in common.
Mafia hijinks ensue.
Previews
What, if anything, did we know about this coming attraction before we watched it?
Ellen: Two professional assassins fall in love? Of course it’s a dark comedy! I have high hopes.
Tyler: I know that we once tried to cover it for ILTBTA but the streaming rights seemingly disappeared into thin air. And I know that it’s about two assassins who fall in love … but that’s it! Here’s hoping it’s as darkly funny as we were promised.
Plots & Feelings
This one’s pretty self-explanatory.
Short Version (courtesy of IMDb): Two professional assassins fall in love.
Long Version (modified from Wikipedia and formatted to fit your screen):
Travel back with us on a journey to an extremely 80’s aesthetic, where we meet little baby Charley Partanna. His mother has passed away, but don’t worry, his father Angelo has a stand-in second parent on deck: Don Corrado Prizzi. This is a kid who will be delighted by receiving brass knuckles for Christmas, and he’s inducted into The Family by blood and swearing to protect Prizzi’s honor1 before the credits are even over.
A woman wails on “Ave Maria”2 as we pan down the stained glass windows of a church during the wedding of one of the Don’s granddaughters. Charley isn’t particularly paying attention, eyes wandering to the balcony where they land on a beautiful blonde woman in lavender. He misses his chance to talk to her as the church empties out, but he intimidates the photographer into taking photos to send to him later. At the reception, he manages to snag a dance with her, but they’re cut short by her needing to take a call. Meanwhile, Maerose, the self-described family scandal and sister of the bride, is making the rounds with those who will still talk to her. Her father Dominic (one of the Don’s two sons) is super mean, causing Mae to storm off. She meets Charley (ahem, her ex-fiance!), who advises her to settle down with someone outside the family and make meatballs. She’s like “thank you for absolutely nothing, idiot,” and leaves him searching for the blonde woman.
Ellen: One of my notes from the wedding scene was “a skeleton has fallen asleep,” and then I later realized it was Don Corrado lol. He’s looking rough.
Tyler: Don Corrado looks like he’s not just on Death’s door, but he’s invited himself inside.
Tyler: Gosh we’re like ten minutes in and this movie is already bothering me so much. First of all, I just cannot with Jack Nicholson's accent. This man hates R's more than Ben Affleck at a Dunkin in Southie. It's like John Wayne tried an Italian accent. Second, we're immediately thrown into some family drama with Mae without ever knowing much about it or them. Why do I care that she’s been ostracized?
Charley is left to stew at his apartment and wonder who that woman could have been when homicide police show up! Sal Something-or-Other was knocked off this afternoon, but all the Prizzi crew was at the wedding, so, try again coppers! Angelo confirms it was them, but they hired outside talent. Back at his place, a call comes from Irene Walker! She’s the woman from the wedding, and she invites Charley to fly out to see her in California, which he does. After the first of several cutaway shots of a United Airlines plane to signify some cross-country travel, they meet for lunch at The Bel Age Hotel, and he explains his history with Maerose, how they were engaged but after a fight she took up with another guy and now she’s all but disowned. Irene in turn talks about her ex-husband and how she’s a tax consultant and Polish! They head to a second location in her fancy Excalibur and profess their love, for some reason, and decide to get married.
Ellen: Okay, look - I am not saying that you have to be hot to be a good actor. Jack Nicholson can really bring it when he wants to (though it seems here he chose not to). BUT, he keeps getting cast as this guy that women are just falling over themselves for and I. DO. NOT. GET. IT. I don’t believe you!
Tyler: I agree! Maybe Jack was that era’s Jacob Elordi and was considered a total hottie, but in this sense the movie doesn’t age very well.
Ellen: Bite your tongue.
Tyler: ILTBTA: come for the jokes, stay for the nuanced discussions of male beauty standards over time!
Tyler: Anyway, my contemporaneous notes when they expressed their love for each other and desire to get married read as the following: “WHY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER? WHY ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED? HOW DID THIS GET NOMINATED FOR BEST FUCKING PICTURE?!” We’ve seen the entirety of their conversations together so it’s not like they’ve talked for hours and have really gotten to know each other. Are they doing this all based on ~vibes~? Are they drawn to each other because deep down they can tell they’re more alike than they realize? At this point, I don’t know and I don’t care.
Back in New York, Don Corrado and his lieutenants are discussing a phony IOU scam going down at one of the Prizzi casinos. A total of $722,0853 has been stolen, and Charley is sent back to California to ice Heller, the supposed mastermind. Despite some really silly music underneath, Charley successfully murders Heller in his own garage. Back in the house, Irene walks in?! Charley is so surprised he almost opens his eyes.4 Heller is her fabled ex-husband, and she leads Charley to half the money, but assures him she had nothing to do with it. He chooses to believe her and returns the money to the Don, who demands he find the rest. At Charley’s apartment, Angelo assures him that he’ll figure it out and sees the photos from the wedding with Irene. He’s like “better burn those, bud: that’s the specialty hitter we hired!”
Confusingly, Charley goes to Mae to ask for advice, and they, uh, reconnect5! She advises him to marry Irene and not kill her, because then the harm Mae did by jilting him will be undone, and she’ll be back in the family. After yet another United flight to California, Charley confronts Irene, she insists she had nothing to do with the IOU scam, but admits to being a contract killer. Charley relays the information to his father over the phone, and the couple gets married in a Mexican courthouse.
Ellen: Like a third of this movie is B-roll of cross-country United flights.
Back in Brooklyn, the Prizzis are meeting. Apparently, their bank president has been skimming off the top more than they do, so he’s in big trouble, eh?? They form a convoluted plan to kidnap him, make it look like he orchestrated it himself for the insurance payout, and somehow the Prizzi’s end up with controlling share of the bank. Sure! Charley and his dad set to planning, and Irene keeps chiming in with ideas to the point where she’s an integral part. The plan is executed perfectly, by which I mean Irene kills the bodyguard and an innocent bystander who got off the elevator at the wrong time. And whoopsie-daisy: it was a police captain’s wife!
Tyler: The police captain’s wife gets shot through the nose, which would’ve been even more gnarly if it hadn’t been for the comedic pew-pew noise Irene’s gun makes.
Meanwhile, Mae begins the long con to turn the family against Charley, first by telling her father Charley forced himself on her, selling the lie with makeup and a subservient attitude. With Dominic fuming, she sets off to Vegas to discover who killed Heller’s partner in the IOU scheme, and what do you know: it was Irene freaking Walker. Maerose brings her findings to the Don, and while he’s chuffed that she can hold a grudge, he refuses to punish Irene. All he wants is the rest of the $700k back with 50% interest. Dominic, meanwhile, puts a contract out on Charley using the best hitman in town: once again, Irene gosh-darn-it Walker!
Tyler: Mae turning on Charley like that was the first time I was genuinely surprised (in a good way, at least) by someone in this movie. I didn’t see that coming!
It’s chaos among The Families, because the cops are cracking down in light of a murder adjacent to them. The Don is like “kick rocks, I’ll deal with my own affairs.” They respond by setting fire to a Prizzi family event! The Don tells Charley of a plan to send Dominic off to Vegas and make Charley a boss once the bank thing settles. He’s immediately suspicious, and Irene is too. On the advice of Papa Angelo, they steal the bank president back and send a list of demands to Dominic, Eduardo (Corrado’s other son), and Angelo. It comes out that Dominic put out a hit on Charley, and he’s informed of his mistake in hiring the man’s wife! On their way to go talk to their father, Dominic is removed… permanently.
Tyler: More like pew-pew-manently.
Angelo manages to convince his son he’s not being set up, and they give the bank boss back. Charley advocates to Corrado that Irene should get all of her money back: both what she stole and the interest. The Don is like, “interesting point - she’s gotta die and you gotta do it.” Charley is furious, but in the end, he can’t break up the only family he’s ever known. He calls Irene to tell her everything is 100% okay, so she absolutely bolts. He follows her out to LA before she can get on a flight to Hong Kong, and they both pretend to have a joyful reunion. They both plan to kill each other. Despite the fact that she’s allegedly the best hitter in New York and he literally brought a knife to a gunfight, Irene ends up with it through her throat.
Tyler: THROUGH THE THROAT! This movie don’t mess around!
Back in New York, Charley calls Maerose and invites her to dinner.
Intermission
Even though ILTBTA is free, please indulge us further and enjoy this quick “advertisement.”
This installment of ILTBTA is brought to you by … United Airlines!
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Use promo code “ILTBTA” when booking your next ticket to receive 19.85% off base fare.
United Airlines: take your crimes across state lines!
Wiki-Wiki-Whaaat?
Love a good Wikipedia rabbit hole in search of some fun facts? Us too.
Prizzi’s Honor’s Wikipedia page has some interesting facts and anecdotes that we recommend you read through, but here are a few of our favorites:
Prizzi’s Honor is based on the 1982 novel of the same name written by Richard Condon, the first of four novels featuring the Prizzi family. Condon was perhaps best known for writing The Manchurian Candidate in 1959, which has been adapted for film twice: in 1962 with Frank Sinatra playing the lead role, and again in 2004 with Denzel Washington.
The second book in the Prizzi family series, Prizzi’s Family, was originally supposed to be adapted for the screen by our pal from 12 Angry Men Sidney Lumet, but the film was never made. The book is set ten years before the events of Prizzi’s Honor and follows the early days of the relationship between Maerose and Charley.
Prizzi’s Honor was the second-to-last directorial effort of famed director, screenwriter, and actor John Huston. Huston’s directorial debut was (casually) The Maltese Falcon, which is widely considered one of the best films of all time and was previously covered as an Honorable Mention in our post on The Thin Man.
During World War II, Huston made movies for the Army Signal Corps, which managed communications and information systems for the armed forces. While in uniform with the rank of captain, he directed and produced three critically acclaimed films: Report from the Aleutians about a group of soldiers preparing for combat, The Battle of San Pietro about an intelligence agency’s failure that led to many deaths, and Let There Be Light about battle-damaged veterans. Huston’s unscripted portrayal of PTSD in Let There Be Light caused the government to suppress the film at the time, not releasing it until 1981.
Anjelica Huston, daughter of director John Huston and then-girlfriend of star Jack Nicholson, won the film’s only Oscar out of eight nominations. Earlier in production, her agent called a producer to get her more than the SAG-AFTRA scale rate of $14,000, the producer said “Go to hell. Be my guest—ask for more money. We don't even want her in this movie.”
Tyler: I can only imagine the #NepoBaby uproar that would have ensued after that Oscar win, which I … probably would’ve agreed with because I didn’t think her acting was anything special.
25-year-old Stanley Tucci made his film debut in this movie, playing a minor role as a mafia goon (credited as “Soldier”).
Ellen: Can’t believe I missed what probably would have been my favorite part of this movie.
Honorable Mentions
What other movies should you be watching?
Are you looking for a mob movie that’s actually good? Don’t have the time or attention span to watch the entire Godfather trilogy? Fear not, we’ve got you covered. Or, more accurately, Martin Scorsese has you covered.
Widely considered one of the greatest movies ever, as well as one of the best gangster movies ever, Goodfellas follows the rise and fall of mob associate Henry Hill (played by the late Ray Liotta). It also features Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci as fellow mafiosos, as well as Lorraine Bracco as Hill’s romantic interest (long before Bracco became a mafia don therapist).
If that isn’t enough for you, there are characters named Spider, Tony Stacks, Tuddy, and Jimmy Two Times.
Goodfellas is available to rent from Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV, and Google Play.
Oscar NomNomNomz
Since we all know a movie is nothing without the food and drink it incorporates.
It’s now time to award the Oscar for Best Snacktor in a Supporting Role6. And the nomnomnominees are:
A champagne wedding toast
Pineapple juice with rum at the Bel Age Hotel bar
Homemade dinner at Charley's that you have one bite of before leaving
Some babycham at a Vegas club
And the Oscar goes to … pineapple juice with rum! Unfortunately, Tyler and Ellen drank it already to help the movie go by faster, so Basil will accept this award on its behalf.
Fill In The Blank
How did we really feel about The Academy nominating this?
Ellen: I’d like to get red sauce all over The Academy’s favorite white shirt, such that their shirt is ruined and they don’t get to eat delicious red sauce. I gotta be honest y’all: I’m having trouble finding any redeeming qualities here. I’m mostly annoyed because the premise has promise! I was all in! I was hoping for Mr. and Mrs. Smith meets Goodfellas, but what I got was a charmless collection of scenes tied together with by-and-large bad accents and baffling choices. In contrast to Tyler’s point above about wondering why we should care that Maerose was excommunicated from the family, I was baseline curious enough about family drama to bite. She was the most interesting character, but it wasn’t enough to save it. And apologies to her real-life father, but I didn’t find anything particularly captivating by the filmmaking either. I ate a lot of Skinny Pop and drank a good beer during this movie, so that’s something.
Tyler: I’d like to ask The Academy to blink twice if it’s being forced to nominate this movie for any awards. This was such a let-down for me, as I was also really intrigued by the premise. Maybe it was another case of “the book is better than the movie because it’s hard to adapt perfectly,” but I just do not understand why this was considered one of the best movies of the year, aside from wanting to throw some kudos to a directing legend at the end of his career. (Between this and fellow ILTBTA stinker A Room With A View, what was in the water in Hollywood in 1985?!) Jack Nicholson’s accent is comically and distractingly bad (and is hiding some serious over- and under-acting), we’ve got yet another “I love you” exchange after all of five minutes7, and some family drama with an inherently unlikable mafia family. As The Godfather saga’s ten hours and The Sopranos’ six seasons should tell you, it generally takes a while to endear your audience to such mafioso antiheroes. And for a movie that bills itself as a comedy, I don’t think I laughed once (unless you’re counting at Charley’s accent). I ate a lot of Skinny Pop and drank a good cider during this movie, so that’s something.
Let The Credits Roll
Thanks for reading! Some quick housekeeping as you exit the theatre:
If you have plots and feelings of your own (on the movie or ILTBTA in general), feel free to comment on the post or simply reply to the email. If you liked reading this: tell your friends! If you hated reading this: tell your friends how much you hated it by forwarding it to them!
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ILTBTA is also on Letterboxd, the social networking site for movie fans. Follow us there to read our Spreadsheet comments of our ILTBTA movies, plus our ratings of other movies we watch!
If you’d like to start a wild Best Picture journey of your own, feel free to download a copy of The Spreadsheet. Bonus: checking off the boxes is oddly satisfying.
Post-Credits Scene
Get a sneak peek at the next ILTBTA installment.
As evidenced by us giving Prizzi’s Honor a second chance after its resurrection from the In Memoriam segment, we’d like to give director John Huston a second chance as well. So in honor of our next post falling right before Valentine’s Day, we’ll be covering Huston’s 1952 romantic drama Moulin Rouge. Will it be less chaotic than the Baz Luhrmann interpretation from 2001? We shall see!
Moulin Rouge is available to watch for free (with ads) on Amazon Prime Video, Tubi, and Pluto TV.
Until then, ehh, whahtch yerr back, seee?
Hey, haven’t I heard that phrase somewhere before??
This went on for what feels like an eternity … sounds like my ex-wife!
That’s a little over two million dollars in today’s casino scams!
Tyler: Guys, my wife is hilarious.
Sex. It’s sex.
Results tabulated and certified by the accountants at Ernst & Yum™.
I wonder if Charley is enjoying the new season of The Bachelor …
Hello movie fans…….great review. Nailed this one. It was big when it came out. Diamond Jim’s favorite move. Saw it when it first came out. Sucked. Couple of good lines but that’s it. Keep em coming.