Bonjour et bon retour a “I’d Like To Blank The Academy!” Step right this way and enter the be-windmilled wonderland that is the Moulin Rouge! Hang on to the giddy feeling such dancing and singing gives you as we dive into the not-so-giddy life of artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec. It’s going to be quite a ride, so rustle your skirts, grab some sipping cognac, and allons-y!
Previews
What, if anything, did we know about this coming attraction before we watched it?
Ellen: I’ve seen the Baz Luhrmann fever dream twice: once when I understood nothing but “oooh music pretty colors” and once later when it made a lot more (but not total) sense. Let’s see another version!
Tyler: I’ve seen Baz’s take on this once: liked the movie, loved Nicole Kidman. Will I fall in love with whatever the 1950s version of her is (Zsa Zsa Gabor - a name I only know from crossword clues - based on the movie poster)? Let’s find out!
Plots & Feelings
This one’s pretty self-explanatory.
Short Version (courtesy of IMDb): Fictional account of French artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec.
Long Version (modified from Wikipedia and formatted to fit your screen):
Picture it: 1890s Paris rendered in beautiful “colour by Technicolor” as crowds pour into the red windmill of the Moulin Rouge nightclub. Artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec sits at a table by the dance floor, sketching the performers and polishing off glass after glass of cognac. He’s basically mayor of the club, joking with singer Jane Avril about her love life, providing feuding dancers La Goulue and Aicha with drinks to throw in each other’s faces, and securing an offer of free drinks for a month from owner Maurice Joyant if he creates a promotional poster. The night draws to a close, he rises from the table, revealing his four-foot six-inch stature.
Ellen: Henri’s very optimistic manager approaches him at one point, and they argue about his drinking, eventually agreeing that “wine is for thirst, and water is for Americans.”
Tyler: The reveal that Henri is really short / has some physical deformity surprised me, which in hindsight shouldn’t have since his full stature is in the movie poster. Anyway, it really added some context to Jane’s “Why can't you be taller?” comment.
On his way home, a passerby attempts to rub Henri for luck, prompting disgust and FLASHBACK: he’s a wealthy young kid at his parents’ country estate, surrounded by love and privilege and just so many hunting dogs. He’s leading a charmed life until he tumbles down the stairs! His bones just won’t knit back together properly and have to be rebroken1, but it’s no use. The doctor concludes that it’s a genetic problem due to his parents being first cousins, and their marriage dissolves as a result. His childhood crush Denise is disgusted by him and is incredibly mean about it. FLASHBACK over.
Ellen: If you watched this and thought “wow Henri looks just like his father,” you’d be right! They were played by the same actor.
Tyler: I know it was a different time and all but how ‘bout we DON'T FUCK OUR COUSINS! Say it louder for the weirdo politician in Kentucky.
Henri is pulled from his somewhat self-pitying reverie by Marie Charlet hustling beside him, asking to be shielded from the cop trying to nab her. He chivalrously takes her to his apartment and allows her to stay the night2 and take a bath. He’s deeply sensitive when his legs are mentioned (to say the least), and she’s brash and unfiltered, but remarks on his disability without the judgment and pity that he’s used to. Thus their strange courtship begins, which mostly consists of Henri doting on her and sketching her, and Marie alternately relishing in the attention and yelling at him. Boy howdy, they both do a lot of yelling. One day Henri gives her 100 francs3 for a new dress, and she stays out all night, saying she was visiting her ill sister. They make up, in part because Marie is thrilled he’s jealous over her.
Tyler: My contemporaneous notes read: “Is this a new ILTBTA record for fastest quasi declaration of love? … oh gee what a quick turnaround … never mind she came crawling back.” Totally healthy relationship, no notes.
A true sticking point in the couple is that she does not understand his art4. Henri works on a portrait of her that she hates, and he says she’s a terrible model. They go to a fancy dinner to make up, and Marie is deeply uncomfortable and hates every second. She eventually storms out and goes full “OY CABBIE!”5 on him. Henri sinks into a deep depression, and after not leaving his rooms for eleven days, his landlady calls in reinforcements in the form of his mother. She begs Henri to come home and paint there instead. Watch your feet, names like van Gogh start dropping from Henri! Failing to convince him to come home, she instead tells him to go find Marie if he truly loves her, because it’s gotta be better than drinking himself to death. Henri goes to the neighborhood where her sister allegedly is, and he instead finds Marie drunk as hell at a rum bar and yelling at her boyfriend, whom she’d been with the whole time.
Tyler: It is at this point that I began to realize that this would not be a happy tale.
Ellen: Also Marie is out of her mind: I’d be thrilled if my portrait looked that good!
And you thought Henri’s depression couldn’t get worse! Back at the apartment, he turns on all the gas and waits to asphyxiate. Suddenly, however, he’s inspired to paint, and he finishes the poster for the Moulin Rouge! Despite some misgivings from the owner about the unconventional style, Henri goes ahead and gets this puppy printed, working in the printshop himself to make it exactly as he envisioned. Though controversial, the poster is a hit, and a police captain asks for a portrait of his daughter. Henri gives it as a wedding gift in exchange for getting a pushcart license and putting it in the name of Marie Charlet, just as her mother did. Meanwhile, Daddy Dearest is furious that the family name is associated with this “pornographic trash,” but that doesn’t stop Henri from continuing to paint Parisian nightlife.
About ten years later, while in his carriage, Henri sees a woman standing on a bridge. Fearing she may jump, he gets out and talks to her, but she merely throws a key from an old lover in the water below. Anyway, bet that won’t come up again! Henri has a whole exhibition of his work, and the king of Serbia buys a piece for 4,000 francs! Despite the success, Henri hides in the backroom of the exhibition and drinks from his cane which of course conceals a flask. Later, he’s helping Jane Avril pick a dress for an upcoming showcase, and the store’s model is the woman from the bridge! She’s introduced as Myriamme. She and Henri are part of the group to attend Jane’s debut, and they hit it off immediately, as she is a great admirer of the arts, having seen his exhibition three times. Back at Myriamme’s place, Henri even sees she has the portrait of Marie, which she got at a flea market. He invites her to the opera, and she accepts in spite of his relentless self-deprecation.
Tyler: The slideshow of paintings to show the passage of time was … quite something. It's a nice way to show off the real artist’s work, but given how long it went on it kind of ground the actual movie to a halt.
Thus begins a lovely month where they hang out all the time, visiting museums, attending horse races, and cruising on boats. Myriamme inquires about Marie, and Henri says he hasn’t been in love since her and is determined not to be a fool again. They later come across a drunken, ragged La Goulue on the streets. In part thanks to Henri’s advertisement, the Moulin Rouge has become respectable and can no longer cater to misfits as it once did. Myriamme informs Henri that her ex Marcel asked her to marry him. Not believing she could possibly love Henri, he bitterly congratulates her for trapping Marcel. She asks Henri if he loves her, and, believing that she is only trying to spare his feelings, he lies and tells her he does not. The next day, he receives a letter from her professing her love, but she believes after how cruel he was, they can never be together. Now they’re both heartbroken!
Tyler: I wish we could’ve seen what the Moulin Rouge turned into, the direct impact on the literal name of the movie, as opposed to just hearing about it. Regardless, it’s interesting to see Henri’s self-destructive tendencies not only directly affect his relationships but indirectly mess with others like La Goulue.
A year later, Henri has moved on from cognac to absinthe, which is almost always a bad bake. He sits drunkenly in a dive bar, obsessively reading Myriamme's letter. He passes out and is carried back to his apartment, where he hallucinates cockroaches and falls down the stairs again!! Henri is brought to his family home. His eyes flutter open as a priest gives him last rites, and his father takes the chance to tell him that he’ll be the first living artist to have work hanging in the Louvre. The “living” part won’t be for long though, as he sees the ghosts of Moulin Rouge’s past dance into the room, saying they heard he was dying and “just had to say goodbye!” Roll credits!
Intermission
Even though ILTBTA is free, please indulge us further and enjoy this quick “advertisement.”
This installment of ILTBTA is brought to you by … petticoats!
Look, ladies, dancers, wearers of skirts everywhere: sometimes you need a little pizzazz! When the music’s volume is cranked and your outfit needs to follow suit: petticoats are here for you. Add one, two, or even three to take your look from flab to fab!
Use promo code ILTBTA for a BOGO on your next purchase. Petticoats: keep your skirts as full as your heart!
Wiki-Wiki-Whaaat?
Love a good Wikipedia rabbit hole in search of some fun facts? Us too.
Moulin Rouge’s Wikipedia page has some interesting facts and anecdotes that we recommend you read through, but here are a few of our favorites:
This adaptation of Moulin Rouge was based on the 1950 novel of the same name by French author Pierre La Mure. La Murre also wrote a biography of French composer Claude Debussy called Claire de Lune.
Ellen: Additional fun fact no one asked for: Claire de Lune was my bridal entrance song!
Tyler: “Additional fun fact no one asked for” is basically the subtitle for Wiki-Wiki-Whaaat?
The movie tells the story of real-life French artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec. During his time as a rising artist in Paris, he befriended Vincent van Gogh (among many other artists) and even defended his honor by challenging to a duel a fellow artist who criticized van Gogh’s work. The artist eventually apologized.
As Moulin Rouge reflects, Toulouse-Lautrec struggled mightily with alcoholism. A drink attributed to him called “The Earthquake Cocktail” consisted of half absinthe and half cognac in a wine goblet.
Ellen: More like a stomach quake, amirite??
Tyler: That is the cocktail of someone who has eschewed taste completely and just wants to get fucked up.
In the SpongeBob SquarePants Season 1 episode “Squidward The Unfriendly Ghost,” when Patrick and SpongeBob are carrying Squidward around in servitude to him, they stumble upon an aquatic version of the painting Can-can. Squidward quips that it is "too loose, Lautrec," a pun on Toulouse-Lautrec.
To transform actor José Ferrer (who we first met as the Turkish Bey in Lawrence of Arabia) into Toulouse-Lautrec (particularly his short legs), the filmmakers used platforms, concealed pits, special camera angles, makeup, costumes, and short body doubles. Ferrer also used a set of knee pads he designed himself that allowed him to walk on his knees.
For his troubles, Ferrer received his normal fee plus 40% of the proceeds from the movie, plus other rights. This actually led to a notable U.S. Second Circuit tax case Commissioner v. Ferrer in 1962 because Ferrer claimed he was being taxed too much.
Two more fun facts about Ferrer: he was the first Hispanic actor to win an Academy Award (Best Actor for the title role in 1950’s Cyrano de Bergerac) and was the uncle of George Clooney.
Though she is shown singing during the film, Zsa Zsa Gabor (who played famed can-can dancer Jane Avril) actually had what Wikipedia calls a “ghost singer”: Muriel Smith, who also played Aicha. (Devoted ILTBTA readers will recall that we first encountered the term “ghost singer” in our earlier post on West Side Story, in which Natalie Wood’s singing voice was more seamlessly replaced.)
Ellen: Your authors were overcome with giggles at how badly some of Zsa Zsa’s “singing” synced with the actual vocals.
Prior to this 1952 film, there were two other Moulin Rouge movies released in 1928 and 1934. The latter included a song called “The Boulevard of Broken Dreams” (apparently NOT by Green Day) and music from Alfred Newman, who would go on to score future ILTBTA topics Foreign Correspondent, Airport, and Heaven Can Wait.
Tyler: It’s not Mr. Newman’s fault, but I 100% forgot that Heaven Can Wait existed, even though we covered it in October.
The one adaptation that occurred after this Moulin Rouge is none other than …
Honorable Mentions
What other movies should you be watching?
Baz Luhrmann’s 2001 exclamatory addition to the Moulin Rouge Cinematic Universe, Moulin Rouge!, is not only known for being rather chaotic (Wikipedia describes it as a “jukebox musical romantic drama,” if that’s not enough adjectives for you) but also a wonderful love story. Starring Nicole Kidman (a Moulin Rouge cabaret dancer) and Ewan McGregor (an English poet) as star-crossed lovers with electric chemistry, Moulin Rouge! features some deliciously frenetic dance scenes within the titular dance hall as well as some fun pop songs reimagined to fit the era.
Here’s what Ellen had to say about it in The Spreadsheet: “This movie is so chaotic. Holy cow. Is this what old school absinthe is like?? The music and dance numbers are great, and Ewan can really belt it.” Don’t just take our word for it: The American Film Institute named Moulin Rouge! the 25th best movie musical of all time. (This and previous ILTBTA topic Chicago are the only two from the 2000s on the list, which, granted, was only released in 2006.)
Moulin Rouge! is available to rent from all of your favorite streaming services (and probably your least favorites too).
Oscar NomNomNomz
Since we all know a movie is nothing without the food and drink it incorporates.
It’s now time to award the Oscar for Best Snacktor in a Supporting Role6. And the nomnomnominees are:
A bottle of champagne in an ice bucket at the titular club
A shot of cognac to throw in your enemy's face
Coquille St. Jacques, then pheasant under glass, and Armagnac sauce with a glass of Pommard ‘89
A tiny glass of rum in a rough little neighborhood rum bar
Bowls and bowls of caviar
And the Oscar goes to … the shot of cognac! Unfortunately, Henri’s ghost intercepted the cognac and spilled it all over the floor whilst trying to drink it, so we will accept this award on its behalf.
Fill In The Blank
How did we really feel about The Academy nominating this?
Ellen: I’d like to provide The Academy a glass of cognac to throw in someone’s face, knowing they’ll receive a splash in return. I was not expecting a biopic! Clearly I didn’t know what to expect at all, given that it’s nothing like the version of the movie with an exclamation point in the title (see above). I think in addition to Tyler’s thoughts below, this was probably also boosted by the fact that many more people have seen the art of Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec than know his story. It’s a gateway to being interested, but also as Tyler says: wow, it sure is depressing. There were some moments of genuinely good acting interspersed in all the yelling and screaming. I enjoyed the dancing visuals immensely, and while I liked this more than our last John Huston joint, I will likely not think about it much again.
Tyler: I’d like to give The Academy a doodle of mine I made while it danced around trying to convince me this is Best Picture worthy. This falls squarely in the “good not great” category for me, as there were some things I thought were well done but overall it didn’t really do much for me. I can’t help but wonder if this got a bump from The Academy for the transformation that Ferrer underwent to take on the lead role, a la recent examples Rami Malek for Bohemian Rhapsody or (for a more deserving movie) Bradley Cooper in Maestro. I’m trying not to blame the movie for the source material because it’s not John Huston’s fault that Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec was such a depressingly tortured soul, but when your protagonist is such a self-sabotaging drunkard it gets hard to have an enjoyable time.
Let The Credits Roll
Thanks for reading! Some quick housekeeping as you exit the theatre:
If you have plots and feelings of your own (on the movie or ILTBTA in general), feel free to comment on the post or simply reply to the email. If you liked reading this: tell your friends! If you hated reading this: tell your friends how much you hated it by forwarding it to them!
If you’re a weirdo like Tyler and use the social media site formerly known as Twitter, feel free to follow us there @BlankTheAcademy for ILTBTA updates, rejected jokes, and other random movie-related musings. Once we reach a million followers, we’ll offer to purchase the @ILTBTA handle from the butthead who snagged it before us.
ILTBTA is also on Letterboxd, the social networking site for movie fans. Follow us there to read our Spreadsheet comments of our ILTBTA movies, plus our ratings of other movies we watch!
If you’d like to start a wild Best Picture journey of your own, feel free to download a copy of The Spreadsheet. Bonus: checking off the boxes is oddly satisfying.
Post-Credits Scene
Get a sneak peek at the next ILTBTA installment.
To celebrate our upcoming trip to visit Ellen’s Grandma Glo in Phoenix, our next post will be on the 1928 Western In Old Arizona. The film tells the story of a cowboy playing cat-and-mouse with the local sheriff while trying to romance a local woman. In Old Arizona is old AF, so it entered the public domain at the beginning of this year. The good news is that it’s available for free via the Wikipedia page or this YouTube channel. The bad news is, well, it’s old and in black-and-white, which we know some of you don’t like.
“What about this year’s Best Picture nominees?” you might be asking. Fear not, because we’ll be releasing our Second Annual Oscars Preview and Best Of The Rest post on Friday March 8th, two days before the Oscars. Then we’ll get back to the old stuff.
Until then, be careful around that Moulin Booze!
🤮
Tyler: I know she's a hottie but he is incredibly trusting to just let a complete stranger stay overnight.
Using such sources as “historicalstatistics.org” and my trusty CPI Inflation Calculator, that’s about $720 and a few huge grains of salt in today’s money!
Sounds like my ex-wife!
Between squawking this and teasingly saying “You’ve been so forgetful lately,” Gaslight is probably one of the most referenced ILTBTA movies in our household.
Results tabulated and certified by the accountants at Ernst & Yum™.